Praises! Hosanna!

I was not supposed to go to duty today. I was a bit under the weather for the past two days, but the department said I couldn’t declare a sick leave. So, I reported to sick and all. I only charted a total of six patients. That’s a little below half of my average performance. I didn’t want to tire myself out.

We decided to try ordering our lunch from Hosanna’s. I haven’t tried them before but I’ve seen their dubious flyer before. It only had their menu, very cheap food by the way and their telephone number. No address. I heard they deliver without a minimum food purchase, and even during thunderstorms! Actually, a clerk placed the order for us. However, when the delivery guy came, everyone else was busy so I decided to receive our food and pay the guy. Absent-minded and feeling sick, I counted my money wrong and ended up sending the delivery guy off with an extra hundred bucks. My hundred bucks. I felt devastated. Okay, that was another exaggeration from me, but it made me feel worse about my day. I decided to call Hosanna’s and demanded for my hundred pesos back. Naturally, when I placed the call, the delivery boy wasn’t back there yet, so I had to settle for talking to a waitress. She promised me to tell the delivery boy about it. Fifteen minutes has passed, and I decided to call them up again. The girl on the other line said the delivery boy went to do his job at another nearby hospital. She forgot to tell him about my change. I got angry but I controlled myself. I didn’t make any threats but I told her I’d call again after ten minutes. She said the delivery boy would’ve been back in ten. So I waited for ten unforgiving minutes and dialed their number again. The same girl answered and said that the delivery boy was on his way to me. I asked her if the guy admitted taking my money away with him, she only replied, well you guys talk it over when he gets there.

I knew my money was already gone to the dogs. Who in his right mind would admit he stole a customer’s money!

Today my faith in a Supreme Being higher than all of us was reaffirmed. The guy came back and immediately returned my money to me. No defending, no questions, no nada! I was so happy! Partly because I got my money back (it was my fault in the first place), but mostly because honest and kind creatures still inhabit this land!

Praises for Hosanna and their delivery guy!

By the way, the food wasn’t that bad for a cheap 58 bucks, I had 3 pieces of siomai, pork barbecue, rice, soup and a bottle of Pepsi. J

I'll never be happy. I have a cursed life.

Tomorrow will be my fifth Tao Rin Pala. TRP is this annual event showcasing UP medical students' and PGH doctors' skill in performing on stage - whether it be dancing, or singing, or whatever they choose to do. I remember the first time I danced with my sorority was back when we were still applicants. The song our initiating batch chose was Unbelievable - and the dance was unbelievably fast. Haha. The following year, we got to dance a sorta jazzy dance, I forgot the song's title. When it was our turn to lead the sorority dance, we had this great choreographer Avel who taught us how to dance Intuition, the core group entrance was a tango sequence which went well, I suppose. But the year I had most fun dancing was last year. The theme then was Latino spirit, and our song was a Volare mix. This year will be a bit different because we'll be dancing something jazzy/hiphop with music from Tomb Raider soundtrack. I am not too excited about this one. (I really am getting old.) I only got to attend 2.5 practices, and honestly, I'm not too crazy about our costume.

Still, I'll be on stage tomorrow at the Fleur de Lis auditorium, around 10pm, dancing my ass off! I intend to have a grand time, since this might be the very last time I perform on stage.

Wish me luck!

Seventh year, seventh month, and then what?

I'm in my last year of internship, and seven of twelve months have already passed. I will never be forced to study Orthopedics, Rehabilitation Medicine, Internal Medicine, Radiology, Neurology, Psychiatry, Surgery, Otorhinolaryngology and Ophthalmology. I am supposed to have adequate knowledge on all these subjects, not forgetting of course the basic Pathophysiology, Pharmacology, and Anatomy.

I am currently rotating in Pediatrics where I see agazillion of Pulmonary Tuberculosis patients. I never realized the high incidence of PTB in our country until now. After 8 gruelling weeks in Pediatrics, I'll be slacking off in Family and Community Medicine. And after that, to finish the race the worst way possible, I'll be crawling my way through 8 weeks of OB-Gyne.

I really don't know what's ahead of me after internship. Yes, I'll take the August boards. After that, what? I haven't really decided on what kind of doctor I want to become. Dermatology seems to be the easiest solution, but my mind is still not made up. I was never conscious enough about my skin, heck, my boyfriend's more concerned about his face than I am (and he IS a MAN, mind you)! I'm also considering Pediatrics. I think it suits my personality best, private practice-wise. But the residency program here in PGH isn't exactly humane. Then there's the challenge that OB-Gyne and Surgery offers me. If you knew me, you'd know I get turned on by things that are hard to get.

I had this same feeling when I was choosing which college course to enrol in . I felt I can be good at any field and so I really didn't think things thoroughly. I chose Intarmed, and look what's become of me...

This indecision, this numbness to social pressure and personal responsibility scares the shit out of me. Where do I live after graduation? Where will I get the money to sustain me while I am not yet earning a centavo? The talk of future has never frightened me this much.

Okay, so my posts haven't been exactly faithful to my blog title. Lately, i've been writing more about my relationship with the man I am currently with.

I'll try to change my blog entries from now on. I'll try to concentrate on other things... such as medschool... duh!

... i always got by on my own...

i'm choosy with food. everyone knows that. that's why i have this waifish figure. i prefer italian, cheesy, salty dishes over american, greasy, meaty meals. i can eat as little as a few spoonfuls a day to as much as 2 full plates a meal. It all depends on how my taste buds are stimulated. I don't have a sweet tooth but i'll never say no to blueberry cheesecake, mango cream pie, and ice cream.

i'm also choosy with people whom i'll be friendly with. everyone chooses their set friends to keep. I do too. And I even go as far as carefully selecting which people to greet, to smile at, and be cordially nice to. I find it very challenging to fake a friendly face. I just can't pretend to like people I don't. I guess that's why I have very few friends. Most people find me suplada, and I am!

Well, another attitude that's not helping me, is that I don't see the need to be nice to everyone. I always got by on my own. I don't need too many people to live. I'm not saying that to sound aloof. That's just how I feel.

So what's the criteria to be satisfied to qualify as my friend? If you review the profile of my friends, both present and past, it's very diverse. I basically choose friends based on their personality. Who doesn't? Though sometimes it's just lukso ng dugo. You know like love at first sight. Hahaha...

So what is the point of this entry?

Beats me.

Why do i fall in love with the wrong guy?

Okay... what is this all about? Well, apparently, I am not happy with us again. I will not elaborate it any further, just take it as it is. I think we're on the brink of breaking up.

I am no longer excited to meet him.
Not thrilled to receive messages from him.
I do not seek attention from him.
I do not feel the need to text him.

In other words, I want to spend time apart from him.

I really don't get why I'm feeling all this. We're much more fun than before. I am more relaxed when when we go out nowadays. I used to think twice before opening my mouth, now I don't have any trouble being myself. I should be grateful for this newfound freedom!

I don't know. Maybe it's because he's not sweet. Not a bit. He talks to me like I'm his younger sister. He's not a gentleman anymore. He's too uncompromising.

I started to be cold to him just this morning. I'm planning on not seeing him for a week. I will text him sparingly.

Will he even notice?

So why is my title, 'falling for the wrong guy?'

He's a very mature, responsible, deep and practical guy.

But... because I have met and am friends with guys who are far more sweeter, with bigger capacity to love, and even a fatter wallet who would want to shower me with attention, the situation I am in makes me very much unsatisfied with us.

I don't want them. My only desire is him.

Oh I think I should go home and unwind.

9.30.05

So i didn't go to work today. I woke up late and decided to stay home for the rest of the day. I've had about two similar episodes since internship started and i'm kinda proud of that. i used to be a worse slacker.

so around noontime, i got a text from my servicemate saying, "hindi ka nakakatuwa."

it didn't have much effect on me. it's not because i don't have respect for my colleagues but that i don't have much respect for myself. i couldn't care less what other people would say to me.

i didn't have any special plans for today. i spent half of the day sleeping, and now my head hurts because of too much inactivity. i wish my boyfriend and i would do something different, y'know, to celebrate my self-declared holiday, but well, he's not that type of guy. i used to think he was free-spirited, spontaneous, and carefree, but boy, am i so wrong.

i'm beginning to think he's too old for me.

and i've been feeling a bit unhappy about us lately. (just recently, he suggested we spend less time together) but i don't verbalize my emotions. i just let my feelings destroy me from the inside. i think he's sensing it tho somehow. but i guess we're both waiting for the other to make the first move. this is so much similar to what happened to john dorian and elliot reid in the tv series, scrubs.

in the first season, they became girl/boyfriends and made love for a whole day only to breakup the following day. and no one dared to sacrifice her/his pride to keep the relationship going. too early for compromises? perhaps. it was also in this episode where all the hospital staff had to spend time with the hospital psychiatrist. The character of perry cox said something that made me a-thinking...

"Relationships don't work they way they do on television and in the movies. Will they? Won't they? And then they finally do, and they're happy forever. Gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones who get married get divorced anyway, and I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff I have not become a cynic. I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies and, y'know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, because I do believe in it. Bottom line: it's couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it's right, and they're real lucky, one of them will say something."

well, no one can really say whether a relationship will work or not... right now, i'm just not too optimistic. don't get me wrong. i love him. i really do. but at this stage, i can name a few things about us that i'm disappointed at. but i'm not listing it down. i'm just going to wait for things to happen.

i'm not gonna end on that note.i love scrubs.

This is my new phone. I got it for 900Php, which my baby paid for, at SUN plan 600. It's a pretty cool phone considering it's price. My ate ge who was kind enough to get the plan under her name applied for the plan and claimed the phone at the Sun shop in Greenhills.

Celphone history...

My first phone was an alcatel (one touch?) phone. I got it from my sister-in-law, ate faye, for my 18th birthday. I had it for only a few days because my boyfriend at that time, pat, also gave me a phone. It was my first ericsson phone, flip type, model T10, if i'm not mistaken. This one I had for a long time until i reached first year med proper. After numerous times of dropping it, some of the keys were malfunctioning and the battery was going berserk. So my third phone was a hand-me-down from ate faye again, a blue motorolla v-something, im not sure anymore. it's a sorta flip pc-looking phone with a keyboard. You need to have the earphones to use it for conversations. Soon enough, the port for the earphones were unmanageable... So i had my fourth phone, which was a hand me down from kuya deus - a Nokia 6310. It was my first Nokia and for a long period of time, it was dependable. Until the antenna, the lcd, the speaker, the microphone, and the battery all broke down. Haha...

Unto my fifth phone, which I got for my 22nd birthday, from by then beau, pat. He gave me my dream phone a Nokia 3110. It was my first polyphonic, colored phone. But certain events happened which forced me to return the phone to the giver. So i was left phoneless for a day... then I got a second-hand Nokia 3610, which I dearly named Chaks. I used the phone for a little more than a month and then I decided to get a brand new phone that's polyphonic and colored, equipped with a sound recorder and camera. It's not a top-rate phone, but it's a wise buy. I hope the phone will serve me until three years.

I haven't told my dream boy, but i've dropped the phone already, ONCE! Haha!

My baby passed the medical boards!!!

Don't Phunk With My Heart

Performed By: Mu Moves

12 August 2005

Friday at the East

Last Friday, F.A.T.E. (Friday at the East) was held and my sorority's dance group, the Mu Moves danced Don't Phunk With My Heart by the Black Eyed Peas. We had four days of practice and the fourteen of us got to practice all together only on the day of the performance. I'm really amazed at how easy it was for us to learn the steps in such short period of time. Most of us had only three days of practice because we had to attend to our hospital duties.

When we entered BSLR-East, I was reminded of how old I was. Most of the people in the audience are 3 to 4 years my junior, yet there I was, dressed and ready to dance for their enjoyment (as if!). Good thing my batchmates were there. Drei, Mars, and Apol were sweet enough to watch Ela, Love and me. It's really encouraging to find a familiar face in the audience.

This is my last year in med school and F.A.T.E.'s going to be my second to last (hopefully!) performance on stage. * I wish I get to dance at TRP on December.* I am really going to miss dancing. I love sweating out and moving my body. More than that, I'm gonna miss the adrenaline rush and the crowd cheering, and all our brods and sisses chanting, "Mu, Mu, Mu...!" after our final pose.

I guess Davaoeños really love durian.

Marq (my dreamboy) and I were in Davao City, Mindanao from May 28 to May 31. We flew via Cebu Pacific Air and his relatives at Nenita Farms graciously received us. We also got to enjoy Pearl Farm for a day for free! This picture was taken from Davao Medical Doctors Hospital. Visiting this hospital was the main purpose of our travel; Marq was contemplating on having his Anesthesiology residency here. The hospital was relatively new, expanding, Überclean and ISO-XXXXX certified. Coming from PGH, it was refreshing to see a decongested hospital. The only drawback was that it was, well, small. Each ward has a bed capacity of approximately 30.

We appreciate different things sometimes.

He liked eating durian. 'It's an aphrodisiac,' he says. Well, I thought it was eeky. But I finished a serving and tried to develop a taste for it. Maybe I'd eventually appreciate it if we stayed longer in Davao.

We both loved our Davao-extended-weekend-getaway. Maybe we'd be back there some other time...

Since i started medical school, I have always been haunted by Hepatitis. I had two, undelightful encounters with the disease and I hope that's the end of it.

When we got into 3d year of Intarmed, we were all oriented to have our vaccines taken. In medical school, we will be exposed to a lot of diseases which can be transmitted via various ways, i.e. aerosol (respiratory), orofaecal (yes, if we eat without handwashing after contact with our patients), and the most deadly of all, iv route. You can get infected via needle pricks or even through blood contact with your bare skin.

At first, I had no plans of getting the vaccines. My eldest brother who also underwent medical school, spent the money for his vaccine on a date. That has been my inspiration. He's perfectly fine now. Ü but with the constant prodding of my mother, I finally went to our health service clinic and had my first shot. I never had the 2nd and 3rd dose though. I thought it was too costly and I was too nonchalant to follow my vaccination schedule. Now it's almost a year since my first dose, and that means, i am not adequately - er, not protected AT ALL against it.

So here comes my first clinical rotation... Clerkship in Neurosciences. This is a rotation where the clerks get to feel how it is to be an intern since there are no interns to refer to. You're the only person in-charge of all the ward and er neuro patients. I had a patient with Dementia and probable Prion Disease who had tremors and severe spasticity of the upper extremities. I had to extract blood from her and the usual site for blood extractions is the antecubital vein. And so with much difficulty, I finally got her arm to extend, expose the vein, and successfully do my job! Yes, what an achievement! We use syringes by the way (not vacutainers) and I had to replace the cap (which SHOULD NOT BE DONE in a proper hospital setting) so I can remove the needle and transfer the blood into the vial. While replacing the cap... yep, I got pricked. It was not too deep and it didn't hit a vein or anything, it didn't spontaneously bleed. But with a patient whose working diagnosis is not yet definitively established, I felt really, really, awful for not getting my vaccines. Good thing, luck was on my side, the patient turned out negative for HIV/Hepatitis/VDRL. Whew!

My second encounter was not as deadly... But it was equally incapacitating. I just had my Medicine oral examination about 30 minutes ago. It's an exam where you get to choose between two cases and cram it for 15 minutes before entering the dragon's lair (1 consultant and 1 senior resident) to discuss your differentials, diagnostics, and therapeutics for the case. I prepared for this oral exam. I really did. I can confidently discuss acute MI, hepatic encephalopathy, DM emergencies, thyroid storm, typhoid, leptospirosis and dengue. But when I opened the two folders containing the cases... it was both on fever! Fever! Infectious! My golly! And during the course of my examination, I got to the corect diagnosis of chronic hepatitis A infection with acute hepatitis B infection. Yep, a topic I didn't read a single page on. Dammit!

This is not really the best way to start my blog, but you can expect more of ramblings and rants and less of realizations in future entries. Hopefully, no more about hepatitis!