Seventh year, seventh month, and then what?

I'm in my last year of internship, and seven of twelve months have already passed. I will never be forced to study Orthopedics, Rehabilitation Medicine, Internal Medicine, Radiology, Neurology, Psychiatry, Surgery, Otorhinolaryngology and Ophthalmology. I am supposed to have adequate knowledge on all these subjects, not forgetting of course the basic Pathophysiology, Pharmacology, and Anatomy.

I am currently rotating in Pediatrics where I see agazillion of Pulmonary Tuberculosis patients. I never realized the high incidence of PTB in our country until now. After 8 gruelling weeks in Pediatrics, I'll be slacking off in Family and Community Medicine. And after that, to finish the race the worst way possible, I'll be crawling my way through 8 weeks of OB-Gyne.

I really don't know what's ahead of me after internship. Yes, I'll take the August boards. After that, what? I haven't really decided on what kind of doctor I want to become. Dermatology seems to be the easiest solution, but my mind is still not made up. I was never conscious enough about my skin, heck, my boyfriend's more concerned about his face than I am (and he IS a MAN, mind you)! I'm also considering Pediatrics. I think it suits my personality best, private practice-wise. But the residency program here in PGH isn't exactly humane. Then there's the challenge that OB-Gyne and Surgery offers me. If you knew me, you'd know I get turned on by things that are hard to get.

I had this same feeling when I was choosing which college course to enrol in . I felt I can be good at any field and so I really didn't think things thoroughly. I chose Intarmed, and look what's become of me...

This indecision, this numbness to social pressure and personal responsibility scares the shit out of me. Where do I live after graduation? Where will I get the money to sustain me while I am not yet earning a centavo? The talk of future has never frightened me this much.