9.30.05

So i didn't go to work today. I woke up late and decided to stay home for the rest of the day. I've had about two similar episodes since internship started and i'm kinda proud of that. i used to be a worse slacker.

so around noontime, i got a text from my servicemate saying, "hindi ka nakakatuwa."

it didn't have much effect on me. it's not because i don't have respect for my colleagues but that i don't have much respect for myself. i couldn't care less what other people would say to me.

i didn't have any special plans for today. i spent half of the day sleeping, and now my head hurts because of too much inactivity. i wish my boyfriend and i would do something different, y'know, to celebrate my self-declared holiday, but well, he's not that type of guy. i used to think he was free-spirited, spontaneous, and carefree, but boy, am i so wrong.

i'm beginning to think he's too old for me.

and i've been feeling a bit unhappy about us lately. (just recently, he suggested we spend less time together) but i don't verbalize my emotions. i just let my feelings destroy me from the inside. i think he's sensing it tho somehow. but i guess we're both waiting for the other to make the first move. this is so much similar to what happened to john dorian and elliot reid in the tv series, scrubs.

in the first season, they became girl/boyfriends and made love for a whole day only to breakup the following day. and no one dared to sacrifice her/his pride to keep the relationship going. too early for compromises? perhaps. it was also in this episode where all the hospital staff had to spend time with the hospital psychiatrist. The character of perry cox said something that made me a-thinking...

"Relationships don't work they way they do on television and in the movies. Will they? Won't they? And then they finally do, and they're happy forever. Gimme a break. Nine out of ten of them end because they weren't right for each other to begin with, and half of the ones who get married get divorced anyway, and I'm telling you right now, through all this stuff I have not become a cynic. I haven't. Yes, I do happen to believe that love is mainly about pushing chocolate covered candies and, y'know, in some cultures, a chicken. You can call me a sucker, I don't care, because I do believe in it. Bottom line: it's couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it's right, and they're real lucky, one of them will say something."

well, no one can really say whether a relationship will work or not... right now, i'm just not too optimistic. don't get me wrong. i love him. i really do. but at this stage, i can name a few things about us that i'm disappointed at. but i'm not listing it down. i'm just going to wait for things to happen.

i'm not gonna end on that note.i love scrubs.